Hi! I am Amber, the Shorter Schroeder. Once I was talking with an old friend from high school who realized my married name for the very first time and misinterpreted it as Shorter, and he was appalled that all my other friends and family would allow me to marry a man named Shorter, as I am a lifelong member of the vertically challenged populous. Happily, I was able to clarify for my friend my actual name would be Schroeder, not Shorter, but ever since, The Shorter Schroeder alias has taken to me like an aerosol can of AquaNet Hairspray to Cindi Lauper's teased hair: fabulously fitting. Aside from the many obvious benefits that undoubtedly go along with being able to shop in the petite sections in department stores (i.e., never having to worry about legroom on airplanes, ordering Happy Meals at fast food places without the cashier giving you a dirty look, or burning more calorories than the average height person because at the dinner table you get to swing your feet as they can't reach the floor). I am also crazily in love with my husband of 17 months, also known as The Shorter Schroeder's Taller Schroeder. He's not exactly 'tall', but he IS taller than me, and this is MY blog, so that is really what is most relevant. He is currently serving in Iraq and thus far, we have been very blessed for his continued safety and well being in body, mind, and heart. I work full time as a speech-language pathologist in a children's clinic, and love what I do. To sum up the purpose of my work in the words of a my beloved 7-year-old client with grammatical difficulties: I "help maked them kids talk good". Do I even need to mention the job security perk? Another perk is working with the fabulous team of people at the clinic. I could not get through this deployment without them, my fellow Army wives, or the Grace of God. When I am not frantically trying to find my lost mind at work, I enjoy being with friends, whether we are hiking, shopping, church-going, or enjoying a glass of Canyon City wine. I L-O-V-E singing in the shower (as my shampoo bottles and loofas provide the most forgiving audience), dancing like the 1980's never left us (as I am convinced WE did not leave the 1980's, how could anyone NOT be forever faithful to that decade of perfection) and STRONGLY trying to refrain from doing both activities simultaneously. But what I really prefer to do more than anything else is cuddle with my Weiner dogs, Chloe and Oscar, on the couch at home and take in an episode of The Office, Family Guy, or Gossip Girl. Almost Heaven on Earth. Total Heaven on Earth would be the Shorter Schroeder's Taller Schroeder's animated and unimagined presence and participation in the whole ordeal. In summary, if you are here to read the ramblings of a dynamic intellectual, you clearly have arrived at the wrong blog. I am decidedly not the most intellectual being around (I just pray I'm not the LEAST, after all, the word on the street is that *cough Paris Hilton cough* still roams the planet), but I do know what I like, and, if you are only half as nosey as myself, you are bound to find these things out about me sooner or later, so lets just be upfront at the start and avoid a lot of awkwardness down the road. I'll leave you with one profound piece of literature and also a grand opportunity to Name That 80's Tune as I proceed to exit:
Don't. Don't you want me?
You know I can't believe it when I hear that you won't see me
Don't. Don't you want me?
You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me
It's much too late to find
You think you've changed your mindYou'd better change it back or we will both be sorry
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me ohh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me ohh
